frustration is seconds away..

I don't know why I bother with this man anymore. We're drifting apart and it's like I'm the only one who cares. I'm just going to try and concentrate on finishing this year in Korea, saving up enough money so I can go study hotel management when I get home and then go on my way. It's like my Mom said, you can't depend on other people to make you happy. You're responsible for your own happiness. I don't think I know how to do that, but we'll see.

Potato salad - For Emily

Okay so no more mucking about. No more being depressed about a boy who obviously doesn't want me. Let's be happy and make some potato salad!

Emily you know I don't work with measurements, so here goes:

• potatoes
• onions
• bacon (cut really small)
• whole grain mustard
• honey
• really GOOD mayonnaise
• milk (just to make the sauce a little loose)
• curry (little bit or a lot - your choice)
• chutney (if you have it)

Okay so boil your potatoes first. Remember to salt them. What I do is I peel them and then cut them into bite size cubes so they can cook faster. I also don't like peeling a hot potato. That's just stupid.

Then fry your bacon until it's really crispy. Scoop them out, but don't throw out the bacon grease. Then fry your onions in it.

Now for the magic sauce..

The amount of sauce depends on how many potatoes you have. You'll be able to guess it, I'm sure. And if you don't have enough sauce you can always just make some more and add it in.

Okay so in a big bowl put together all the ingredients for the sauce, except the milk. Then taste it. And like Jamie Oliver always says, then you think about it. Use more of the ingredients that you think will make it taste right for you. You can even add some ground up black pepper as well. Okay now you will see the consistency is a little bit like porridge.. so you have to add just enough milk to make it a bit looser so that it will spread through all of the potatoes. When you're IMPRESSED by your sauce, mix everything together.

This salad is best if you make it the night before and chill it really well in the fridge before serving it.

Hope you enjoy it!

Much love..

For Brian

You’ve been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hand
Can’t go to you for consolation
Cause we’re off limits during this transition

This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And I can’t stop bumping into things

I thought we’d be simple together
I thought we’d be happy together
Thought we’d be limitless together
I thought we’d be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken

You’ve been my soulmate and mentor
I remembered you the moment I met you
With you I knew god’s face was handsome
With you I suffered an expansion

This loss is numbing me
It pierces my chest
And I can’t stop dropping everything

I thought we’d be sexy together
Thought we’d be evolving together
I thought we’d have children together
I thought we’d be family together
But I was sadly mistaken

If I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared
If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented
If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
My wealth would render this no less severe

I thought we’d be genius together
I thought we’d be healing together
I thought we’d be growing together
Thought we’d be adventurous together
But I was sadly mistaken

Thought we’d be exploring together
Thought we’d be inspired together
I thought we’d be flying together
Thought we’d be on fire together
But I was sadly mistaken

- Alanis Morissette